Nanc,

I have been there, asking these same questions. For me, I have learned:
It is personal; don't fight it.
I do care, often times too much and that clouds my "vision".
Treat people fairly, as fairly as you possibly can. Take it to your troupe when you need a second opinion.
Hope to instill and attract people with the same kind of passion for your project that YOU yourself have.
I use humor in most situations. We are human and therefore evolve and this may cause "contradictions". I choose to see them as growth and evolution, for me as a person and an instructor/director.
My friendships hopefully have no checks. Can you ever be there enough or care enough? My answer would be no.
My classes have checks in the form of education and listening to others. When someone subs for me, I ask them for their opinion of the class (my format, student progress, etc). Another check is to always be a student yourself. Study with others as regularly as possible. Seeing things from a student/troupe member position is important so you never forget where you came from/where those you lead are currently. Also, having your own internal compass and listening to it is key for me. Every time I don't listen, I find my self experiencing Insta-Karma ;)

And finally, how do you know when to walk away? Well, I must admit I have planned my exit strategy more than once. :) Usually, it is when the emotional things with being friends and troupe mates get to be too much or my "real life" gets to be too much. I make myself wait after I have it all mapped out. Like 2 months before the announcement, 6 months before the retirement. I am honest with my troupe mates and let them know I am considering a change. Also, I must add that in 10 years of dance this has only been a consideration for me twice. The great thing about my troupe being my friends is that they are supportive and understand, want what is best for me first. We all may go on to dance in other projects, but it will not lessen what we have together or our friendship (I hope).

"This stuff is not always roses." ~ I so agree with you on this! The saddest of sad times and the most joyous of joyful times have been with this dance and the people I dance with (outside of meeting my hubby, birth of child and birth of puppy :) What keeps me coming back for more is that the happy times far, far out weigh the sad.

I hope you find your way through these questions and find peace, no matter the decision.

~Brandy